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He is caught watching a video on his cell phone before a class by Esther, a middle-aged woman Jon earlier encountered weeping by herself at the college. Barbara continues asserting control over him, insisting that cleaning his own apartment, a task Jon finds satisfying, is not something she is comfortable with him doing.Barbara later checks the browser history on Jon's computer, confronts him with proof that he has continued viewing pornography, and ends their relationship. Esther continues reaching out to Jon, offering him the benefit of her experience.
He responds by initiating a sexual encounter in her parked car.Jon Martello is a modern-day Don Juan, with a short list of things he cares about: "my body, my pad, my ride, my family, my church, my boys, my girls, my porn".Though he has a very active sex life, he is more sexually satisfied by viewing pornography and masturbating, which enables him to "lose himself".On a night out with his two best friends, Bobby and Danny, Jon sees Barbara Sugarman.Although she finds him interesting, she declines his offer for a one-night stand.He tracks her down on Facebook and invites her to lunch.
There is mutual attraction, but Barbara insists on a long-term courtship, which proceeds for over a month without sex.
She encourages Jon to take night classes to get an office job outside the service industry, and Jon indulges her love for romance movies, which he usually dismisses as unrealistic fantasy. She prepares to leave Jon, but he denies that he watches pornography and claims it was a joke emailed to him by a friend.
They meet each other's families and Jon's parents love her. He loves Barbara and considers her body perfect, but still finds pornography more satisfying. Their relationship resumes, with Jon watching pornography primarily outside his apartment, concealing his habit from Barbara.
She persuades Jon to try masturbating without pornography, but he is unable to.
She invites him to her home where she reveals that the reason he is more satisfied with watching pornography than with having sex is that pornography is a one-sided affair.
If Jon wants to lose himself, he has to be willing to lose himself to another person and they have to be willing to lose themselves to him.